Blessings of Marriage
Introduction:
I’m Pete. God loves you!
The topic today: The blessings of marriage. How can marriage complete both the man and the woman? What makes the most blessed marriage? The answers might surprise you.
The Recent Split:
Jesus, the Head of the Church, used both the overview portion within Genesis (“God made them male and female”) and the detailed portion within Genesis (“they two shall be one flesh”) in a single argument regarding divorce. His harmonious use of both portions is recorded in Matthew 19:4-6 and again in Mark 10:6-8. By this we know that both portions within Genesis can, and should, be included within Genesis, the Bible, and be harmonized.
Why do I start with that? Because there are strong agendas now within American society that seem fair, but try to tear apart the creation account. Why? To try to justify getting their way, rather than allow roles in life and marriage to be the blessing God intended. So, let’s not split up Scripture to get our way, but allow marriage to be as God wants. It is no coincidence that the splitting of the Scripture has drastically split up marriages. It’s doing things God’s way that brings the blessings, both in life and marriage.
God-Given Roles:
In a play, the Director has the final vision for the production and makes the ultimate decision on assigning roles. The Director chooses the actors based on their intended roles. God has something He wants to portray using marriage as the example. He assigns roles: To the man He assigns the role of portraying Jesus. To the woman He assigns the role of portraying the Church. The man gives up his life as necessary, the woman respects him.
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the assembly, being himself the savior of the body. But as the assembly is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without defect. Even so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord also does the assembly; because we are members of his body, of his flesh and bones. “For this cause a man will leave his father and mother, and will be joined to his wife. The two will become one flesh.” This mystery is great, but I speak concerning Christ and of the assembly. Nevertheless each of you must also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:22-33
It is no accident that the blessings of marriage flow when both observe the God-given roles: The husband loves his wife as himself, even to the death. He gives Himself for her and joins himself intimately to her. The wife respects her husband, bringing blessed unity.
It is also no accident that issues in marriage flow when the God-given roles are not followed:
Husbands, love your wives, and don’t be bitter against them. Colossians 3:19
It is better to dwell in a desert land,
than with a contentious and fretful woman. Proverbs 21:19
Needs Met:
Both the man and woman have deep-seated needs that can only be satisfied by a great relationship with God, Christ, and each other:
For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Genesis 2:18-25 ESV
Let the husband give his wife the affection owed her, and likewise also the wife her husband. The wife doesn’t have authority over her own body, but the husband. Likewise also the husband doesn’t have authority over his own body, but the wife. Don’t deprive one another, unless it is by consent for a season, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and may be together again, that Satan doesn’t tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
Mutual Honor:
You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor to the woman, as to the weaker vessel, as also being joint heirs of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7
(By the way, “weaker vessel” is not a derogatory remark. We might interpret it “fine china”.)
But say the things which fit sound doctrine, that older men should be temperate, sensible, sober minded, sound in faith, in love, and in perseverance: and that older women likewise be reverent in behavior, not slanderers nor enslaved to much wine, teachers of that which is good, that they may train the young wives to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sober minded, chaste, workers at home, kind, being in subjection to their own husbands, that God’s word may not be blasphemed. Titus 2:1-5
More on Roles:
Who can find a worthy woman?
For her price is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband trusts in her.
He shall have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
and works eagerly with her hands.
She is like the merchant ships.
She brings her bread from afar.
She rises also while it is yet night,
gives food to her household,
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field, and buys it.
With the fruit of her hands, she plants a vineyard.
She arms her waist with strength,
and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp doesn’t go out by night.
She lays her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her arms to the poor;
yes, she extends her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household;
for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
She makes for herself carpets of tapestry.
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected in the gates,
when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing.
She laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom.
Kind instruction is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household,
and doesn’t eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed.
Her husband also praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you excel them all.”
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain;
but a woman who fears Yahweh, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands!
Let her works praise her in the gates! Proverbs 31:10-31
The Apostle Paul, under inspiration of God’s Holy Spirit, wrote letters holding several women in high regard. Some have twisted those to accommodate popular agendas, making it seem that God does not give different roles to men and women. But He does:
Let the wives be quiet in the assemblies, for it has not been permitted for them to be talking except in submission, as the law also says, if they desire to learn anything. “Let them ask their own husbands at home, for it is shameful for a wife to be talking in the assembly.” What!? Was it from you that the word of God went out? Or did it come to you alone?
If any man thinks himself to be a prophet, or spiritual, let him recognize the things which I write to you, that they are the commandment of the Lord. But if anyone is ignorant, let him be ignorant. 1 Corinthians 14:34-38
I desire therefore that the men in every place pray, lifting up holy hands without anger and doubting. In the same way, that women also adorn themselves in decent clothing, with modesty and propriety, not just with braided hair, gold, pearls, or expensive clothing, but with good works, which is appropriate for women professing godliness. Let a woman learn in quietness with full submission. But I don’t permit a woman to *teach, nor to exercise authority over a man, but to be in quietness. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. Adam wasn’t deceived, but the woman, being deceived, has fallen into disobedience; but she will be saved through her childbearing, if they continue in faith, love, and sanctification with sobriety. 1 Timothy 2:8-15 (*Some versions say “preach”.)
Effects of Culture:
Present-day culture should not be dictating roles to the Director, God. God gives the roles. Satan still tries to make God seem unfair, just as Satan did to Eve in the beginning. This has created extensive misunderstanding and disunity. Unfortunately, those who cause this disunity often blame those who respect God-given roles as those causing disunity. Going back to God-given roles is not “losing ground” or regressing. It is rectification. It is through trusting God, and taking on the roles He gives, that we find God’s blessing. No wonder Satan doesn’t want us to trust The Word of God, The Bible, regarding roles!
We won’t find “liberation” in dictating our own roles. We live in a culture where most seek out teachers who tell them what they want to hear, instead of truth that, at first glance, seems unfair. God, in His Word, The Bible, by God’s Holy Spirit, had Paul predict this:
I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. 2 Timothy 4:1-5 ESV
So, to enjoy the full and lasting pleasures and blessings of marriage, trust God’s Word, the Bible, more than what our confused society dictates as “socially acceptable”. God wants your marriage to be pleasurable, blessed, and a model of loving submission to Christ.
Praise the LORD!
Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
who greatly delights in his commandments! Psalms 112:1 ESV
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30 ESV
Conditional:
So, we see that the blessings of marriage are conditional. They depend on us doing marriage God’s way. Don’t expect doing marriage or living together society’s way to last as long, provide as much peace and satisfaction, or be as much a blessing, as Godly marriage.
Dating:
Conditions for blessings during dating also exist. Dating can also be a wonderful blessing done God’s way. It can be a way to determine if you will make a blessed godly couple before you engage in “one flesh” marriage intimacy. It is not a time for casual sex “practice”. Consider carefully, because you only get one choice to marry for life. If the date is not for you, date another. Don’t choose marriage out of desperation. Seek God’s true blessing.
You should know that, considering the length of human existence, dating is very new. According to Wikipedia, “The earliest recorded use of the noun ‘date’ in English appeared in 1896 in the writings of George Ade, a columnist for the Chicago Record. In this context date referred to a form of public courtship, when a woman met a man outside of the private sphere of the home or court.” Before that, social visits between a man and woman were more supervised, and generally arranged to verify suitability for future marriage. Earlier yet, marriages were arranged by parents or others. Genesis 24 records an arranged marriage.
Unsupervised private meetings between a man and a woman provide a backdrop for temptation to go beyond verifying suitability for marriage and into casual (sinful) sex. I highly suggest meeting at public places such as coffee shops, restaurants, and church to avoid unhealthy temptation. If you want an evil, failed relationship, go to a bar, find a drunk, go to a motel, and “hook-up”. If you want long-lasting blessings, meet at a Christian event.
Meeting in godly ways can be a blessed time of friendship and godly experience. It can be fun! It can add excitement and anticipation to your life. Meeting in godly groups can help you sort, choose, and verify. It can provide a place to communicate and work out differences. It can help find your future marriage partner. It can help make mutual friends.
Reality:
Marriage isn’t for everyone. By that, I don’t mean casual sex outside of a godly marriage between one man and one woman is alright. I mean some folks are fine being single.
Even if you do everything God’s way in dating and marriage, the reality is that maintaining a blessed marriage takes responsible effort from both people. You will be two imperfect people thinking you could have a perfect marriage with each other. God bless your efforts.
Conclusion:
Whoever finds a wife finds a good thing,
and obtains favor of Yahweh. Proverbs 18:2
Marriage was designed and created by God, with Him directing the separate roles of the man and the woman. So, for the blessings of marriage, seek God’s role for your life. Submit to the Head of the Church, Christ. Model Christ’s headship and sacrificial love, as well as the Church’s submission to Christ’s authority in your marriage, because that is what God intended.
(For more on God’s design intent, please see the article “Internal Evidence”, as well as the video “Why and How to See Design Intent”, both free of charge through General Invitation Christian Fellowship, on GICFstudy.org online website. Please trust and read your Bible.)
Once Married:
Once married, sex is not a sin or dirty. It is designed to be a blessing and to create a bond. Enjoy each other! Throw yourself into it! Help each other learn how to be a blessing to the other! Because now, in fact, each is responsible for the other’s satisfaction besides theirs. So, be faithful to accommodate until both are blessed, especially providing sexual blessings! Try to maintain comfort for both, while not depriving either of the sex blessings each craves:
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 ESV
God Bless Your Marriage:
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4 KJV
Bless each other genuinely, intimately! Enjoy blessings of marriage! May God Bless You!